Blog Fix A Broken Marriage

He was trying to understand her pain.

The counselor made it sound simple: just listen and learn. He tried writing it down, he tried memorizing key thoughts and feelings she expressed, but he was missing it. He just didn’t understand what was going on.

She was distant and fearful. Something had been stirred up but she couldn’t put her finger on it. She didn’t want to be intimate or even close to him. She asked him to sleep in the other room. She did everything she could to make him feel like he had done something, yet was unable to tell him what exactly it was.

The counselor seemed to help. She didn’t hate him anymore, but she wasn’t going to let him back into the bedroom. She didn’t even change in front of him anymore. She tried to be there for him on his birthday, but she felt horrific nausea and couldn’t do it. No matter what he did, it wasn’t enough.

The Save Love Experience exposed the monster and the fear the monster was using to disable her. She was able to identify the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of a family member when she was five years old, triggered unintentionally by her husband. Because of her young age at the time, she couldn’t recall the memory, but in the grieving process of the Crisis program, it came to light. She was able to forgive the family member and report him to the authorities and key members of the family unit. The grieving and talking that she did with her husband through Crisis brought a lot of healing to them both. He apologized for what he had done and she worked through the abuse.

And then she got angry. She confronted the counselor: Why didn’t you probe deeper? Why didn’t you ask about the grief that was behind the fear and pain? He commented that he wasn’t trained to look at deeper, spiritual issues of the heart. She felt like his actions were an aspirin that had dulled the pain and grief while suppressing the deeper issue. He acknowledged the mistake, yet offered no apology.

Still, she was free from the ghost that had haunted their marriage and intimacy. She was free to enjoy her husband and let him enjoy her.

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