Blog Forgive and Be Forgiven

It felt good when he left. She felt like peace was restored in her home.

Everything in her life was perfect. The perfect career, the perfect body, and the perfect husband. She strived for perfection in everything, and was stunned when she found out that her perfect husband had cheated on her. She demanded to see pictures of the other woman and to know why he would choose another over her, but he couldn’t give her a reason. She knew that if she didn’t fix something, it could happen again. She knew that there were variables out there that had caused this problem, and she needed to know what they were so that she could eliminate them.

She entered the Free Her system looking for information, data to help her understand the situation. She was surprised to find out that fear was secretly her go-to friend. It showed up in everything. She had thought of herself as being a purist when it came to making decisions. She would put all the data on the table, analyze it, control the variables, and determine the outcome. Since college, her internal operating system had seemed to work flawlessly. She had even been told by a professor when she was getting her master’s degree that she should write a book on the excellence of her system. But it – or her fear – had failed her.

She started to have an awakening, an awakening as to how fear permeated all parts of her life, her thinking, and feeling. It had been there for a long time and was the basic criterion that had to be considered when she made any decision. It had actually caused her to push away from her husband before he pushed away with the affair. The truth was there, and in her heart she knew it was true. Her mind sought to defend her fear and its actions and influence, but her heart knew it was a lie. Once revealed, the fear became an enemy. She worked her way through forgiving him for what he had done, and then realized she had to work her way through forgiving herself for what she had done.

He was surprised when she sat him down and admitted to letting fear influence and impact their relationship. From decisions they made about car purchases, to investments, and even the bedroom, she was controlled by the hidden fear. She told him that she had feared losing him and had moved away from him as if he had already done something. The fear was subtle, unseen, but now that she knew how to be quiet, to be still and to rest, she could sense its presence and influence.

He saw that she was genuine. He had felt the coldness creep into the marriage and relationship, but he told her that had nothing to do with his decision to have the affair. He took full responsibility. He too had learned how to be quiet, to be still and to rest. In the quiet, he could hear the truth and wanted to live it out. He was amazed at the level of truth that was revealed through the Free Her experience. He was humbled by the truth, and appreciated that he wasn’t shamed, but invited to own the damage and be restored. To be one again. To forgive and be forgiven.

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