Blog She Got Him To Change

He was a well-educated man. He loved to learn, and thought he understood women.

Everything about him was appealing to her: his job, how he carried himself, even his car. The first time she saw him, she was amazed by his confidence. She had always been bothered by how meek her father was around other men, and she loved that he wasn’t like that at all. There wasn’t a stranger that he couldn’t talk to and make it seem like they had been best friends forever. His gifts blew her away, until she got to really know him. And that took about two years of marriage.

It was like he changed overnight, but she soon realized that this was the way that he had always been. His strong external personality had been protecting a very scared and insecure person. Sometimes he acted like an eight-year-old kid. And then he got fired. She found out that they were already in debt because of bad investments he’d made, so they lost both the car and the house, and were forced to move into a small apartment on the rough side of town. When some of the details of his firing were made public, his father almost disowned him. There were suspicions that he had knowingly committed serious errors that injured one of the guys on the assembly line, though a lawsuit revealed that it had been an honest mistake on his part. Now he was alone. Except for her.

With no more façade to hide behind, he became very open, honest, and vulnerable. She could have used the opportunity as a chance to get him back, but the LUV strategy told her to be quiet and listen. He began to open up about how driven his father was, and how distant he felt from him. All his father cared about was success and how the family looked in the eyes of the community, but his son knew the façade was fake. His father hit his mother whenever he drank. She learned to leave the house with the children when he took that first sip, and it was her actions that had saved their family from public humiliation by removing them all from an ugly situation.

Tenderly, she helped him unpack all the pain and grief from his past. She listened and cried with him. It took a while, but now he’s reemployed in his career and doing well. His confidence is back, and this time it’s not based on a fake bravado, but a real awareness of who he is and who his wife is. With the beauty of her heart, she called out a noble man and played a significant part in his healing. The grief she nurtured matured into joy. The mutual joy became their new strength and allowed them to delve even deeper into what was holding him back. Her wisdom and understanding brought their relationship back from the brink.

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