Blog Does He Want Me?

Her son was devastated.

His father, her husband, had broken his promise. He had promised to put the family first, to put him and his sisters first. But he didn’t. He put his new girlfriend first. Fathers weren’t supposed to do that. She was working through her own grief well, but her son’s grief was killing her. He kept asking questions as if there was something his mother had done to make his father act this way. His father’s behavior didn’t make sense to him. There must be some way of fixing everything.

She processed the anger and worked through the grief. It hurt again and again but she stayed true to the LUV strategy. She was living the truth – her husband was cheating and he kept on cheating. He tried to make light of it, especially with the kids.

“Daddy is taking a vacation from living with Mommy for now. I’ll be back,” he would add, in his fake Arnold Schwarzenegger voice.

But she knew he was gone. There was a coldness in his eyes and heart that let her know that he wasn’t coming back. But she waited. She gave him time to make sure this was what he wanted. A strange anger came out of him because of her kindness and invitation to return and work through the issues. He was angry because she was making it really hard to enjoy his new girlfriend.

And then she knew. Partially because he filed for divorce, partially because the girlfriend was pregnant, but mainly because she could see the situation clearly without being overcome by her emotions. The truth didn’t overwhelm her, but it did intensify her grief. But along with the grief came something new.

Peace. When he made his decision, when he filed, when he told her he had a new family and he was done with his old one, she was at peace. Grief and peace, tears and contentment, hurt and anger all coexisted within her. She was able to move forward. His actions were done influencing her. No more long tangents of emotional chaos. She was free. She was free to be there for the children. She was free to listen to the lawyers and the path ahead. She was free to check her mother, who wanted to say, “I told you so.”

Her friends inside of FreeHer were with her. She hadn’t personally met most of them, but they were there. They were closer than her own family. They listened and shared the grief when the marriage crashed. They guided her gently and with great kindness. Her best friend helped babysit the children, but it was her friends at FreeHer that helped her keeping moving forward through the grief.

Now a quiet joy rules her life. He’s moved on and the marriage is dead, but she’s more alive than ever. Her love rose above the pain, and made sure that his abandonment and betrayal were not the last words of her life.

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