Blog Does He Want Me?
They had been together for almost thirty years. They had raised three children and she was enjoying a new season of life. And then he left her.
He took the money and left her the home, but she had to work two jobs just to pay the mortgage. The children helped out when they could. The ex-husband seemed to have a great life with his new girlfriend, until a routine checkup found cancer. The new girlfriend couldn’t handle it, and she broke up with him.
He returned to his wife, but she was unsure about taking him back. She went to a divorce counselor, who recommended that they get back together. It was her chance to love him back into her arms. And so she did. She took care of him throughout his sickness, until the day he died.
But even when she was caring for him, giving up so much in her life to help him, he was still cold. She couldn’t believe that he could receive so much love from her and not return love back to her. She had assumed it would be a transactional deal. I give love, you receive love, and then love me back in an equal amount.
She didn’t see that he had never owned the damage he did to her when he left. He said that it was her fault that he “had” to leave. He said she was cold and distant and did not care for his needs, which might have been partially true. But he chose to leave. It was his lack of character that allowed him to leave and the same lack of character that did not allow him to own the damage that he did to her. She let him come back into her life, hoping for better results, even though it was clear he hadn’t really changed.
After his death, she realized her mistake. And instead of moving on, she let her bitterness and anger insure that the damage he did to her was a defining moment in her life. His betrayal of her became the last word in her story. Even her children began to stay away.
The LUV strategy would have offered her a perspective above the pain and the details of the betrayal. LUV promised her a straight path through the grief and freedom and joy as she walked it out. But she believed in anger and hate and bitterness. They became her closest friends and she aged overnight.
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